Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did I show you my penis last night?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
