My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i dont even know how to be here
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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