Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
