she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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