I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
