I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
