I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
