Don't you send me to vm
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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