it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
