wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
