you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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