just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
