it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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