I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
