she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
