I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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