You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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