oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
