she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
