I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
