I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
