I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
