I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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