Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
