I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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