We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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