Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
