My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im holly from the hills drunk
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
