He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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