I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
