i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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