It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
