she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
