last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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