You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
