if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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