Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This toilet bowl is my home.
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