I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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