so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
