If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize