You're a womanizer and a bitch.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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