You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
