My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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