i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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