My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
