I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
