Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
