I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
