u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
