Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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