please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Farmville is her only friend.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
