I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Randomize
