She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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