her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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