Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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