I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I cut my penus on the lid.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
