dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
