This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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