So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
