I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
