Me too!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
