Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
