i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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