youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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