So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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