Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
