I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize