but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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