The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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