He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
