I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
