You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
